so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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