I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
