i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
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