I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
We are all done wearing pants today
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Randomize
