we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
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It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
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As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
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