She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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