i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
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