and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
