just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
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