"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
