she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
