I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
