I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Randomize
