I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Randomize
