My ? Is...... Would it be sweet or creepy to take a girl on a first date to chigago?
creepy.
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
the condom got lost in my hair
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
