Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Randomize