It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Randomize
