omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
