your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Randomize
