Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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