At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Randomize
