We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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