I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
We're not piercing ourselves today.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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