I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
