I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Randomize
