I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Randomize
