is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
is wine microwaveable?
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
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