he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Randomize
