If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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