Joe is yelling at the trees again.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
