Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
