Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
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