Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
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