It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Randomize
