i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
