I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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