??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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