Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
Operation Purity has been aborted
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
