Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
We need a shit load of segways right now
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
