im drinking this country out of the recession.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
