no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
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