He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
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