my phone needs a breathalizer
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
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