Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Randomize
