Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
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