I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Randomize
