dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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