do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
