So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
ugly people sure do ruin things
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
