I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
