Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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