Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
