dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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