also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Randomize
