JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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