i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
