my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I deserve this hangover.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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