She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
