You're completely useless in the revolution.
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
