can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
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