I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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