69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
