I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
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