so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
