he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Randomize
